This chapter lays the foundation for the rest of the book. God has made it clear that marriage is important. He has also made it clear that fathers bear a great deal of responsibility in the process. In this chapter, Baucham seeks to clarify that responsibility.
To some people, the subject matter put forth in this chapter is strange, antiquated, or downright offensive. The very suggestion that a father has a say in the man whom his daughter is to marry flies in the face of literally every prevailing notion in our society today. Unfortunately, it seems that many professing believers have bought into this idea that we simply turn our daughters loose and hope for the best.
'[M]ost of us treat the search for a spouse the same way this man treated his search for a house. We prefer to just ride around for a while until something catches our fancy. Similarly, we raise our children with vague expectations and expect them to somehow muddle through and find an acceptable suitor. However, without clear parameters, they are destined to make choices based on the popular adage, "Just follow your heart." The only problem with that is, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it" [Jeremiah 17.9]' [49]
'We must find a better way. We must commit ourselves to preparing our children to find suitable mates without relying on the pagan, relativistic mythology that dominates our day. Divorce courts are filled with people who "followed their hearts" and married Mr. or Mrs. Right. There has to be a better way. This is not to say there is a sure-fire guarantee against failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. However, I can say for certain that continuing down our current path will not lead to more God-honoring covenant marriages.' [49]
'[O]ur children's quest for an appropriate mate begins with their fathers. Throughout the Scriptures we see fathers guiding their children in marriage. From Abraham's search for Isaac's mate in Genesis 24 to Paul's instructions to fathers of virgin daughters in 1 Corinthians 7, we see paternal involvement in marriage. We may not all agree on the extent to which parents-and particularly fathers-should be involved in the courtship/marriage process, but we can all agree that there is biblical precedent for some participation. The question is, how much?' [50-51]
Baucham is telling us that what is needed is a return to Biblical patriarchy. This is a call to male headship in the home. While this may sound like a novel concept in our world, today, this is actually the Biblical pattern.
Focusing on what the Bible has to say to fathers in relation to their daughters, Baucham summarizes the father's patriarchal duties to his daughters as follows:
- Protecting his daughter from male "predators" so she would marry as a virgin, thus bringing honor to his name and purity to her husband [Exodus 22.16-3-17; Deuteronomy 22.13-21];
- Arranging for his daughter's marriage by finding a suitable husband and making proper arrangements;
- Ensuring a measure of security for his daughter by providing a dowry [Genesis 29.24, 29];
- Protecting his daughter from rash vows [Numbers 30.2-15];
- Providing security for his daughter in case the marriage failed; and perhaps also
- Instructing his daughters in the Scriptures.
The picture put forth here is one of a father who takes his responsibility before God and his family very seriously. This is a portrait of a 'concerned, conscientious father who is sensitive to the strengths, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, gifts, and fears of his daughters and is committed to shepherding them biblically.' I pray that this is the kind of father that every father reading this would want to be.
Fathers, we have been given a responsibility by God to lovingly and faithfully protect, instruct, and lead our daughters [and sons]. I am thankful for Voddie Baucham's willingness to be an instrument used by God to call Christian fathers back to Biblical pattern.
Since this chapter really serves as the raw material from which the rest of book is built, I will make no further comments on the concepts put forth here in summary form, but deal with them as we come to them in subsequent chapters.
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