With this posting I want to continue my review of the book What He Must Be by Voddie Baucham.
In Chapter Two, Baucham addresses the issue of marriage as a ministry. What he is seeking to do in this chapter is to challenge the current notion that marriage should be put off indefinitely or avoided altogether.
As Baucham develops his thesis in this chapter he puts forth the premise that in our current culture, more and more people are delaying marriage or rejecting marriage altogether. According to Baucham, the number of men and women avoiding marriage is growing at an alarming rate. He then goes on to show that these people have not replaced marriage with a life of abstinence or celibacy, but fleshly indulgence outside the confines of marriage.
Notice some of the statements that Baucham makes about this matter:
'We are seeing a complete cultural shift in our perception of marriage as the preferred state.' [33]
'There can be no doubt that the institution of marriage has continued to weaken in recent years. Whereas marriage was once the dominant and single acceptable form of living arrangement for couples and children, it is no longer. Today, there is more "family diversity:" [sic] Fewer adults are married, more are divorced or remaining single, and more are living together outside of marriage or living alone.' [Quoting David Popenoe, 34]
This growing trend toward the rejection of the institution of marriage as we know it is alarming. Baucham gives a number of reasons why we should be alarmed at this trend.
Marriage and Cultural Transformation.
'This move away from marriage is disturbing under any circumstances, but particularly when viewed in light of the cultural benefits that accompany marriage. First, marriage has universal benefits to society as a whole. For instance, "marriage is linked to higher levels of health and happiness and lower levels of alcohol and drug abuse for both adults and teens." Moreover, marriage is perhaps the greatest wealth-creating institution in the world-"married people earn more, save more, and build more wealth, compared to people who are single or living together."' [35]
'Marriage has specific benefits to the individual, particularly to men. Married men, for example, live longer than their single counterparts, enjoy better physical and mental health.... In short, marriage is a man's best friend.' [35]
Marriage is also a tremendous indicator of societal health and welfare. There is an inverse relationship between marriage and crime...Marriage is any society's best arrangement for helping children to thrive.
Marriage and Spiritual Health.
'Show me a church void of solid families headed by biblically functioning husbands and wives, and I'll show you an unhealthy church.' [35-36]
'Marriage is the chief indicator of the attendance habits of the church's most scarce resource ... men!' [36]
'I have never met more young men and women with a desire to serve the Lord than I have in recent years. However, most of them are willing to do anything God asks as long as it does not involve growing up, settling down, and pouring themselves into the ministry of marriage. I use the term ministry purposefully. I believe marriage is a ministry. Unfortunately, it is one to who few acknowledge a call these days. It seems that some believe that marriage is somehow beneath other callings. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is perhaps no higher calling.' [36]
Baucham reminds us that marriage is not presented in the Bible as something bad, but that it is an institution established and blessed by God.
'The Bible clearly presents marriage as a glorious gift from God and a tool that he uses to bless and sanctify his people in numerous ways.' [39]
Baucham offers three observations that he thinks point toward the ministry of marriage as worthy of consideration by all.
The First Command. '"Be fruitful and multiply" was the first command that God uttered to man [Genesis 1.3, 28]... Marriage is the vehicle through which obedience to this command is made possible..His command to be fruitful and multiply is clearly meant to take place in the context of covenant marriage.' [39-40]
A Training Ground for Church Leaders. 'The church is instructed to look for its leaders in the first institution, the family... What better place to learn to make disciples than the home [Deuteronomy 6.7; Ephesians 6.4]? What better place is there to learn servant leadership [Ephesians 5.25-31]? What better place is there to learn to sacrifice for others? What better place is there to test a man's ability to shepherd a flock? Indeed, "if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" [1 Timothy 3.5]. Amazingly, while one would be hard-pressed to find biblical precedent for pursuing a man based on his record of growth in previous posts, it is not difficult at all to find clear biblical precedent for putting a man's home life under a microscope to discern whether or not he will make a good pastor... [W]e cannot ignore the fact that God has chosen the family as a training ground for church leaders and thus the most important place to observe potential candidates. Unfortunately, the home has been replaced by the resume in this regard. Today churches look at resumes and never examine the home. In the New Testament church, a man's home was his resume.' [40-41]
An Illustration for a Lost World. 'If you want to teach the world the love of God, become a husband who loves his wife as Christ loves the church [Ephesians 5.25]. If you want to teach the world how the church submits to the Lord, become a wife who submits to her husband [Ephesians 5.22-24]. If you want to show the world a picture of Christ's sanctifying work, cleanse your wife with the "washing of the water with the word" [Ephesians 5.26]. This is our unspoken testimony.' [41-42]
There is an urgent need in the home and church to prepare young men to view marriage as the preferred state. Young men [and young women also] should be taught that marriage is a gift from God and that he should be looking to be married unless the Lord calls him to be single. Notice some of what Voddie writes about this very important matter.
'[E]very man should look toward marriage unless and until the Lord shows him that he has been gifted for and called to a life of singleness' [42]
'Few families are preparing young men to be husbands and young women to be wives, and thereby they are planning for failure in the most important role that the overwhelming majority of children will play. We will not give adequate attention to the preparation of young people for marriage unless we view marriage as the preferred state.' [42]
'[L]ittle thought is given to preparing our sons to be husbands. Thus, they meander through life without the skills or mind-set necessary to play this most important role until one day, having met "the one," they pop the question, set a date, and-in the rarest of cases-go the pastor to learn everything they need to know about being the priest, prophet, provider, and protector of a household in four one-hour sessions.' [43]
What happens when we are not raising our sons with this in view? What happens when we are not raising them with the expectation that they will be husbands and fathers one day?
'As a result, we have families led by men who haven't the foggiest idea what their role is or how to carry it out. We have wives who were created with a God-given need to be led by godly men, a curse from the days in the garden that puts them at odds with this arrangement, and a cultural mandate to fight against male headship.' [43]
Is there anything that we can do to change the current situation? Is there anything that we can do to change the way that so many people today view marriage. Baucham says that there is and that what we must do is to begin to teach our children what God says about marriage rather than allowing them to be inundated with what our corrupt culture says about it.
'If we have any desire to change this, we must begin to prepare young men to be husbands and fathers. We must stop preparing them for lives of selfishness, immediate gratification, and perpetual adolescence if we ever expect to turn the tide. The skills required of a husband and father take a lifetime to acquire. Our sons must begin to acquire them sooner rather than later.' [43]
We must be diligent to teach our children to have a Biblical and God-honoring view of marriage. We must teach them that marriage is not second-rate or a lesser state. We must teach them that marriage is a ministry and one of the ways that God has ordained for Him to be glorified by His people.
'Marriage is thus a great and honorable estate through which we have an incredible opportunity to grow in grace and godliness. Marriage is a ministry. It is an institution ordained by God through which he intends to gain glory. It is this attitude that we must instill in coming generations. The current trend of delaying marriage at all costs and for as long as possible is clear evidence of a misunderstanding of this great calling.' [46]
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